Going through the e-mails that accumulated while I was out of the country, I find an appeal from the Almighty:

Dear Media:

Help! I am Allah, God of The Religions, am now here on Earth, and seeking a special Press relationship. Here is all you have to do on behalf of your company, community or nation. Send an email to god @llah.mobi (no spaces) or SMS/VM 707-925-2488 and say something to the effect of “On behalf of, (your company, community, or nation) We want to welcome you, God Allah.” Be sure to include your email, SMS text number (if you have one), name and phone number. Then I will contact you back via email with more information about how to receive God Allah to your company, community, or nation. If you want to learn more of God Allah (or God the Father, Christianity) see a church or mosque near you for more information on how to interact with and receive God Allah. Please be advised this is a very, serious emergency for many people around the world so you were advised to communicate with Me immediately. Thanks.

Emergency Message,

God Allah
Author, Holy Qur’an / Bible
Lord of the Worlds

So, if God Allah is the almighty Lord of the Worlds, why does he need a press agent?

Actually, with Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Bryan Fischer, and all the other ministers of hate and homophobia running around shooting off their mouths, I can understand God Allah’s plight. Good luck, fella.

PS: There is no truth to the rumor that Peter Jackson has been signed to direct a big-screen version of Lord of the Worlds. I think they’re going with Steven Soderbergh.