Thursday, April 16, 2015

Friday, March 20, 2015

Hose Job

The San Francisco cathedral that built a sprinkler system to ward off the homeless says they’re sorry they were “misunderstood.”

Bishop William Justice, who is also the Auxiliary Bishop of the Archdiocese, spoke about the sprinklers during a Wednesday news conference and noted that two of the four sprinklers had already been disabled. He also extolled the virtues of the Archdiocese and the work it does for the homeless before attempting to quell the outrage over the water system.

“We are sorry that our intentions have been misunderstood and recognize that the method was ill-conceived,” Justice said. “It actually has had an opposite effect from what it was intended to do, and for that we are very sorry and apologize.”

In a formal statement obtained by KCBS, Justice further explained that the intent of the system was to increase safety in the area.

“The idea was not to remove those persons, but to encourage them to relocate to other areas of the Cathedral, which are protected and safer,” Justice said. “The purpose was to make the Cathedral grounds as well as the homeless people who happen to be on those grounds safer.”

These folks make a living by selling myths and fables, so it’s no surprise they came up with this whopper of an excuse.  But somewhere in one of their faerie stories there’s a line about “thou shalt not bear false witness,” right?

Thursday, March 19, 2015

An Unclean Act

A San Francisco cathedral uses a sprinkler system to run off homeless people.

Saint Mary’s Cathedral, which, the radio station reported, is the main church within the Archdiocese of San Francisco and the home of the archbishop, has four tall side doors which are used as sheltered nooks by homeless people in the city.

While the church has “No Trespassing” signs, the watering system doesn’t come with a warning and the showers rain down throughout the night, KCBS reported.

The spigot is 30 feet up on the ceiling of the doorway alcove and when it spews water, the alcove and unsuspecting homeless people reportedly get soaked. According to KCBS, the water runs for about 75 seconds every 30-60 minutes.

When Jesus said “Come unto me and I will refresh you,” I don’t think this was what he had in mind.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Can It

It sounds silly, but it’s better than arming teachers and would meet the recommended daily allowance for fiber.

A middle school principal wants to stockpile cans of corn and peas in classrooms for students to hurl at possible intruders as a last defense. In a letter Friday, Priscella Holley, principal at W. F. Burns Middle School in Valley, Chambers County, asked parents to have each student bring an eight-ounce canned item. The can “could stun the intruder or even knock him out until the police arrive,” Ms. Holley wrote. “The canned food item will give the students a sense of empowerment to protect themselves and will make them feel secure.” The school superintendent said the request had brought few complaints.

The police report will read “The suspect was detained by repeated blows from the jolly Green Giant.”

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Hey There, Kirby Delauter!

Here’s a novel way to get your name in the paper: threaten a reporter with legal action for printing your name in the paper.

Kirby Delauter, a Frederick County (Maryland) Council Member threatens a local journalist (Bethany Rodgers) for … using his name without permission in a newspaper article.

Well, Kirby Delauter, I certainly don’t want to get sued, but I am wondering, Kirby Delauter, where there’s a law that says that a reporter is forbidden from printing the name of an elected official in an article.  So, Kirby Delauter, can you show us where it is?

Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Next Austin Powers Movie

I don’t think I’ve seen any of the Austin Powers movies since the first one (and only that under duress), but the news that North Korea has put the kibosh on the release of The Interview by threatening world domination sounds like a rejected treatment for a sequel.

Seriously; the “hermit kingdom” can tell America what movies it can watch?  And since when did a country that can barely make soap come up with the capability to hack like a college kid from Cornell?

Monday, December 15, 2014

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

A Modesty Proposal

Remember when some folks got all worried that somehow someway the secret Muslims would impose Sharia law on us all and make us live up to the strict moral codes of Islamic law?  They were sure that we would be told what to wear and how to act and be forbidden to do lots of other things that would destroy our very way of life.  Laws had to be enacted to protect us against such a terrible fate.

But it looks like it’s too late.  Sharia law has taken over the Montana state legislature.

Some female lawmakers have criticized the Montana Legislature’s new dress code as unfair to women.

The new code, in addition to calling for women to wear suit pants, dresses or skirts, tells women to be “sensitive to skirt lengths and necklines,” according to Helena news station KXLH.

I’m impressed that they still allow women into the capitol building.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Just A Simple Wreath Will Do

Decking the halls gets dangerous.

Police said they charged 53-year-old Richard Carter with attempted homicide for shooting at his neighbor on Saturday afternoon.

Talk about your war on Christmas….

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Manson Family Values

I can’t get married to a man in Florida (yet) because it would destroy the sanctity of marriage and because two men getting married is just wrong.

But serial murderer Charles Manson can get married to a woman even though he’s in prison for the rest of his life because marriage is a holy institution created by God to preserve the family and protect children.


In fairness, if Charles Manson wanted to marry a man, he’s allowed to in California.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Chicken Word Salad

Speaker John Boehner is outraged that a White House official used a barnyard epithet to describe Benjamin Netanyahu, the Prime Minister of Israel.

Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) on Wednesday said that profanity-laced attacks on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu from senior Obama administration officials were an implicit reflection of President Obama’s views, adding that the official who called Netanyahu “chickens—” should be fired.


Boehner said that the administration officials should be dismissed. “The president sets the tone for his administration. He either condones the profanity and disrespect used by the most senior members of his administration, or he does not,” Boehner said.

And Mr. Boehner should know because he’s an expert at setting the tone and calling people “chickenshit.”  According to Steve Benen, the Speaker used the term to describe candidate Barack Obama in 2008.  Oh, and now he wants the president to go on an apology tour to Israel.

The White House isn’t in a rush to apologize to anyone.

“[That’s] an interesting observation by the Speaker of the House, who has a penchant for using salty language himself,” [Press Secretary Josh] Earnest said. “It’s a little rich to have a lecture about profanity from the Speaker of the House.”

Good to hear from you, Mr. Boehner.  Keep in touch.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Even when he’s demonstrably wrong, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) cannot admit it or even show a tad of humility.  TPM watched him try to extricate himself from his Ebola quarantine fiasco yesterday:

It’s not surprising that he tries to claim he didn’t change the policy. That’s standard for polls, particularly ones like Christie. But he actually claims that the nurse was symptomatic for Ebola (not true) and had a temperature (not true). They held on to her for 24 hours and now that she apparently doesn’t or no longer has Ebola they’re letting her go. Its a tour de force of projectile nonsense, with a high viral load of derp.

Not only that, but he refused to apologize for keeping her in a tent without running water.  (A tent?  WTF?  Don’t they have hospitals in New Jersey?)

Nurse Kaci Hickox is planning to sue.  Good luck; no amount of legal action or medical help will alter the fact that Chris Christie is a sphincter.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Open Door Policy

Via the Washington Post:

The man who jumped the White House fence this month and sprinted through the front door made it much farther into the building than previously known, overpowering one Secret Service officer and running through much of the main floor, according to three people familiar with the incident.

An alarm box near the front entrance of the White House designed to alert guards to an intruder had been muted at what officers believed was a request of the usher’s office, said a Secret Service official who spoke on the condition of anonymity.

The officer posted inside the front door appeared to be delayed in learning that the intruder, Omar Gonzalez, was about to burst through. Officers are trained that, upon learning of an intruder on the grounds — often through the alarm boxes posted around the property — they must immediately lock the front door.

After barreling past the guard immediately inside the door, Gonzalez, who was carrying a knife, dashed past the stairway leading a half-flight up to the first family’s living quarters. He then ran into the 80-foot-long East Room, an ornate space often used for receptions or presidential addresses.

Gonzalez was tackled by a counterassault agent at the far southern end of the East Room. The intruder reached the doorway to the Green Room, a parlor overlooking the South Lawn with artwork and antique furniture, according to three people familiar with the incident.

Yikes.  I know there have been cutbacks at the Secret Service, but WTF?  This follows the revelation that the Secret Service didn’t know that someone had fired seven shots with an assault rifle at the White House and hit the windows in the family quarters until a housekeeper found broken glass.

And it’s not like this particular president hasn’t faced more threats than previous occupants.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Breaking News

The folks at CNN have their priorities.

CNN host Ana Cabrera said on Sunday that it was “heartbreaking” to see images of broken wine bottles after a magnitude 6.0 earthquake hit Napa, California.

In the aftermath of the quake that injured nearly 90 people in Napa alone, Cabrera invited Silver Oak winery CEO David Duncan to talk about photos of broken wine bottles that he had tweeted.

“We did have some damage, a few barrels — we had three barrels fall, and some wine bottles went down,” Duncan explained. “I tweeted a picture this morning.”

“We’re showing it to our viewers right now,” Cabrera pointed out. “It’s heartbreaking to see that image, especially if you are a wine lover. But also knowing that this impacts your livelihood.”

Duncan noted that the earthquake damage was not going to be “that big of a hit” for his winery.

Sure some people were critically injured and houses burned down, but to lose that glorious, crisp, cabernet that goes so well with any dish; oh, the heartbreak.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Extra Crispy

The phoenix is a mythological bird that bursts into flames, dies, and is reborn from the ashes.  It looks like they have two-thirds of that equation going on at a solar energy plant in California.

Phoenix-4Workers at a state-of-the-art solar plant in the Mojave Desert have a name for birds that fly through the plant’s concentrated sun rays — “streamers,” for the smoke plume that comes from birds that ignite in midair.

Federal wildlife investigators who visited the BrightSource Energy plant last year and watched as birds burned and fell, reporting an average of one “streamer” every two minutes, are urging California officials to halt the operator’s application to build a still-bigger version.

The investigators want the halt until the full extent of the deaths can be assessed. Estimates per year now range from a low of about a thousand by BrightSource to 28,000 by an expert for the Center for Biological Diversity environmental group.

The deaths are “alarming. It’s hard to say whether that’s the location or the technology,” said Garry George, renewable-energy director for the California chapter of the Audubon Society. “There needs to be some caution.”

If they could get chickens to fly by, Col. Sanders would be out of business.