Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Maybe He’s Not So Bad After All

This was forwarded by my Faithful Correspondent:

To: Eric Alterman, Altercation
Name: […]
Hometown: Iowa City

I am writing in response to a comment you made in your recent interview with Liberal Oasis. As you remarked, “I can’t tell you a single good thing [Dubya] has done for the country.”

Mr. Alterman, while I am a longtime fan and habitue of Altercation, I beg to differ. In fact, there’s a veritable bounty of charitable deeds G-Dub has performed for this great land of ours…

  • He’s given a whole new sector of America a reason to feel smarter.
  • He’s given us a whole new reason to despise Texas.
  • He’s given hope to all those Andover cheerleaders out there with a history of substance abuse, mediocre to middling grades, and dodgy military records that they, too, can one day rule the world (talk about ‘No child left behind’…!).
  • He’s exposed the potential dangers of salted pretzels, thereby pre-emptively saving the lives of millions of snack eaters the world over.
  • He’s done much to encourage personal expression, creativity and nonconformity — especially in the realm of language. Who says that you have to pronounce the second syllable in “terrORists”? And why in the world shouldn’t there be an extra syllable in “nuclear”? Free your mind, people! Free your mind!
  • He’s encouraged national cohesiveness. After all, as the man himself has been known to say: “Our nation must come together to unite.”
  • He’s promoted the fundamental basics of the golden rule. To paraphrase his profound advice as uttered in Time magazine: Thou shalt not be “a revengeful” person.
  • He makes even Lyndon Larouche look good right about now.
  • He’s increased access to health care, promoted education, fixed up the economy, created new jobs, protected the environment, stood up for minority rights, enacted foreign policy without losing American liv — oh, wait, sorry, that was the guy who came before him…
  • He’s enabled the careers of scores of stand-up comedians, late-night talk show hosts, writers for Saturday Night Live, and liberal punks like me [not to mention bloggers – MB], by selflessly giving them a plethora of new material to lampoon (hey — perhaps he has created those new jobs, after all!).

    Thank you for your time, and so sorry to quibble, but I just wanted to set the record straight — or as straight as the record can be when you’ve got a conservative administration, congress, and media on your hands…

    Down with Dubya,

  • Any additions, readers?