Sunday, January 23, 2005

SpongeBush SquarePants!

Maureen Dowd in the New York Times:

Some of the same advisers who filled Mr. Bush’s brain with sugary visions of a quick and painless Iraq makeover did mean the speech to be literal; they are drawing up military options for the rest of the Middle East. Once again, the lovable and malleable president seems to be soaking up the martial mind-set of those around him, almost like … a sponge.

SpongeBush SquarePants!

We can only hope that Dr. Dobson doesn’t pick up on the resemblance. SpongeBob, as his song goes, “lives in a pineapple under the sea/absorbent and yellow and porous is he!” SpongeBush lives in a bubble in D.C./absorbent and shallow and porous is he!

SpongeBush ensnared the country in a whale of a mess in Iraq because he guilelessly absorbed the neocons’ dire warnings about Saddam’s weapons capabilities and their rosy assumptions about Ahmad Chalabi’s leadership capabilities.

Dick Cheney is a gruff Mr. Krabs taskmaster to SpongeBush, but SpongeBush is crazy about him anyhow. W. trustingly let his vice president make the worst-case scenario about Iraq a first-case scenario.

Mr. Bush might have thought he was just blowing pretty bubbles full of lofty ideals about freedom and liberty in his speech, but Mr. Cheney and the neocons seem intent on filleting Iran and Syria. (Doesn’t Richard Perle remind you of the snarky and pretentious next-door neighbor to SpongeBob, Squidward Tentacles?)

The vice president told Don Imus that Iran was “right at the top of the list” of trouble spots, and that Israel “might well decide to act first” with a military strike.

Even if he’s a little light in the flippers, SpongeBob has brought children good, clean fun. SpongeBush has brought the world dark, endless fights.

Next week: CIA Director Porter Goss does Blue’s Clues.