Friday, April 29, 2005

Press Conference

Watching Bush’s press conference is like watching a person go into some kind of uncontrollable seizure, and all you can do is gape. He’s spews out canned responses that sound one step above gibberish, and he’s looks at the camera as if he’s watching a cockroach race going on right under his nose.

8:18 p.m.: He went into near melt-down on the David Gregory question of mixing religion with politics, and the answer he gave to Terry Moran on the question about increased terrorism had nothing to do with the question. To quote Danny Concannon, I’m sure it was an answer to some question, but it wasn’t to the one he asked.

8:23 p.m.: He’s talking about the president of Russia (“Vladimir”) like he’s a fraternity brother. I’m wondering if his nickname for him is “Vlady-Poo.”

8:31 p.m.: The Bolton Question. John, start looking for your next gig.

8:32 p.m.: He wants us to have the option of setting up our own savings accounts for retirement. What, like an IRA?

8:37 p.m.: I’m glad he clarified the fact that the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs is his top military advisor. I wondered about that.

8:41 p.m.: “Look at me, I can pronounce Kim – Jung – Ill! Still working on ‘nuclear.'”

8:43 p.m.: Mr. President, name one issue where you put politics aside for the good of the nation. Go on, take your time. (By the way, name-dropping Pete Domenici’s name as a sign of bipartisan cooperation is a non-starter. Domenici is a Republican.)

8:47 p.m.: Referring to cabinet members by their first name only makes you sound like you’re trying to be folksy. Even LBJ didn’t do that. Of course, he was a real Texan.

8:50 p.m.: On the economy: “Higher gas prices cost people more money.” I stand in awe of his grasp of the stunningly obvious. (Well, he’s said he doesn’t do nuance.) And what the hell does asbestos reform legislation have to do with the economy?

8:53 p.m.: On NCLB: “It’s working! People are learning to read and write!” So why is he proposing to cut money from the Family Literacy grants? “People were graduating from high school who were illiterate.” Yeah, and they graduated from Yale and Harvard Business School, apparently.

8:59 p.m.: “Last question so I can get back to watching Spike TV.” He sells the Social Security reform like that guy on the infomercial selling the Showtime cooker.

9:01 p.m.: Last line: “Thank you all for your answers! God bless America!”

For this they pre-empted The O.C.?