Thursday, May 12, 2005

Living Will

My friend and frequent commenter Brian has a friend who, after the Terri Schiavo fiasco, has come up with a Living Will of his own. Names have been removed to protect privacy, but other than that, this is the genuine article, certified by an attorney.

I, _________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be in the hands of publicity seeking politicians who couldn’t pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a meal, one week minimum to one month maximum then it should be presumed I won’t ever get better.

When such a determination is reached by my doctor, I hereby instruct ______________ or in her absence __________________ and in her absence _________________ and attending physicians to pull the plug(s), reel in the tube(s), and call it a day.

I request that under no circumstances shall a member(s) of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life support machinery.

It is my wish that these elected officials mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education, and future of the millions of Americans who are not in a permanent coma. Under no circumstances do I want any politicians to butt into this case. I don’t care how many fundamentalist voters they’re trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency, governorship, etc., it is my wish that they leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldn’t care less if a hundred(s) religious zealots send e-mails in which they pretend to care about me. I don’t know these people, and I certainly haven’t authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own DAMN business! Unless they’re willing to take care of me in their home and provide me with the same care I would receive in a hospital intensive care unit and be willing to be certified by a hospital as capable of doing so. They agree to take care of me themselves and not hire staff but do it personally. They certify that they will take care of me personally 24 hours a day 365 days a year as well as assume all my medical bills and personal obligations of debt, and agree to be recertified each month by the hospital that originally certified them. They must agree to allow my wife and family to visit me any time my wife or family wish, night or day.

If anyone goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political circus, I hereby promise if possible to come back from the grave and make her/his life a living hell!

Witnessed by myself and __________ on May 10th…while seated on the rocks in the Rio Grand dog park.

I had the privilege of meeting the man who wrote this, and I can certify that this is exactly what he’d want. And he tells Brian that anyone else who wants to use this should feel free to take it.