Monday, July 18, 2005

Mehlman’s Meltdown

It was kind of fun to watch Ken Mehlman on Meet The Press yesterday. No matter what Tim Russert asked him, everything was fine, Karl Rove was innocent, the Democrats were meanies, and those nasty Senators who called for Mr. Rove to resign owed him an apology. John Podesta, a former Clinton administration aide, was on the show at the same time, and it seemed like he did everything he could to keep from turning to Mehlman and saying, “Are you stoned?”

There were two points that were hilarious. At one point Russert asked Mehlman if he and the RNC would go along with the White House promise to support and respect the results of the Fitzgerald investigation even if it resulted in indictments of White House officials. Mehlman blathered on about “well, we’ll have to wait and see, blah blah blah.” Russert kept pushing him on the point: would the White House support the results, and Mehlman kept repeating his talking points. Finally, Podesta, off-camera, was heard to prompt him helpfully: “Say yes.” Then Russert asked Mehlman that if this had happened under a Democratic administration, wouldn’t he be calling for the resignation of the officials involved? Mehlman either missed the point or didn’t want to answer because he launched into another attack on the attackers. When Russert asked the question yet again, Mehlman said he didn’t think so, which led Podesta to deadpan, “Well, he seems to have slept through the 1990’s.”

I’m sure that when Ken reported back to Rove, the diaglogue went something like this:

[SCENE: A dark chamber lit by flickering torches. A throne and dais at the end of the room, backlit with an eery green glow. Mehlman approaches slowly, his head bowed in fear and reverence. A deep voice speaks, echoing in the hall.]

ROVE: You did well, my young friend.

MEHLMAN: Oh, thank you, Master. I only did your bidding. My life is but to serve.

ROVE: And serve you did, although I’m not sure you used the words “abject apology” enough.

MEHLMAN: (abject) Oh, but Master! I tried! But you know how hard it is to get the nasty liberal media to listen! And that vicious Tim Russert asked so many questions, yes he did! (Beginning to sob and snivel.) I only did my best, Master!

ROVE: (slightly annoyed) Oh, all right. You may go.

MEHLMAN: (gleefully) Oh thank you Master! Bless you Master! (Turns to go, then turns back, pleadingly.) But Master…remember… you promised that if I did well…

ROVE: Yes?

MEHLMAN: (begging) You said you would give me the password to Jeff Gannon’s secret website…. Please, Master, my life has so few joys.

ROVE: (sighing) Oh, very well.

[A flash of bright light, then a small piece of paper suddenly appears in Mehlman’s hand. He is startled, then dances with glee.]

MEHLMAN: Oh thank you thank you thank you!

ROVE: Now go! And send in Scott McClellan!

MEHLMAN: Oh, can I watch? I like to watch you play “Abu Ghraib” with him!

[ROVE cackles maniacally as the lights fade.]

Yes, I did buy the new Harry Potter book this weekend. How’d you guess?