Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Roving Rove

Fred Grimm wonders what would happen to Karl Rove at the hands of Karl Rove.

Imagine what Karl could do with Karl.

Oh, what a spectacle that’d be. Karl Rove has transformed three war heroes into a fake, a stoolie and a terrorist sympathizer. He remade a Texas grandma into a low-down lesbian. Just think what Karl could do with a sleazy miscreant like Karl Rove for outing a CIA agent.

Oh, Momma! That’d be more fun than all-night mud wrestling.

Karl vs. Karl would just about be the ultimate political smackdown, displacing the former world champion political fantasy (around since 2004): What utter nastiness could Karl have wreaked on the reelection of a former coke-snorting, drunk-driving, military-duty-shirking rich-boy candidate like George W. Bush?


Imagine what Karl, who can wreak so much damage with only salacious rumors, could have done to George.

Better yet, imagine what Karl could do with the current Washington scandal, implicating one Karl Rove as the fellow who let reporters in on the (national security) secret that former Ambassador Joe Wilson’s wife was a CIA spy.

Karl would have made short work of the Republicans who went around Washington last week arguing that Karl never actually said the name Valerie Plame. Only “Joe Wilson’s wife.” Gracious. Imagine what Karl could have done with that and other low-rent Clintonesque word-parsing by Karl’s defenders.

The scandal would have been over by Friday. Karl would have chased Karl clean back to Texas.

No, I take that back.

Karl would keep Karl around awhile longer, turning on the skewer, knowing that a summer scandal more than a year away from the next congressional election, is of no practical use to a smear-artist’s political agenda.

Karl would wait until the next political season before giving Karl his famous makeover.

It would be too much to hope that Mr. Rove will be around for the 2006 and 2008 elections — he knows the politics too well to keep a liability around for too long. But Karl isn’t the one running this show. And he won’t be fired if he didn’t commit a crime, right?