Wednesday, August 17, 2005

More Cowbell!

Dan Zak in the Washington Post has this little bit of political news.

Why vote for the lesser of two evils when you can vote for someone who looks evil?

“Our great country is in a terrible downward spiral,” says the message on , touting Christopher Walken for president. “It’s time to be smart about our politics.”

Can’t you see it? Walken tearing apart Jeb and Hillary in the debates. Walken peering out from behind the voting booth curtain, or leering on “Larry King.”

But the actor has “no intention of running,” his rep says, and the Web site, registered in Los Angeles under the name Christopher Walken for President, is “100 percent false.”

Still, imagine a State of the Union address delivered in syncopated Walkenese: “The state . . . of the union . . . is mahvelous . Just — mahvelous.” Pivot, glare. “I can’t think of a better — STATE — for the union to be in .” Shoulder hunch, head twitch. Rapturous applause.

All seriousness aside, the only thing more disappointing than the campaign’s fraudulence is its boring tag line, “It’s time to get America back on track.” Given the cache of great Walken lines, we stump for snappier slogans:

“When I win, everyone gets a glass of shhham-pan-ya.”

“Like your father’s gold watch, this country needs to be kept safe, secure and in a warm place.” (See “Pulp Fiction.”)

“Liberty is my weapon of choice.” (Fat Boy Slim on the ticket?)

“Walken? I’m runnin’!”

“Catch me if you can.”

“More cowbell.”

The last one is from one of the funniest SNL skits of all time where Walken is a record producer for Blue Oyster Cult as they cut their classic hit “Don’t Fear the Reaper.” And don’t forget his cameo in Annie Hall where he plays the suicide-prone brother. Sounds like the perfect candidate.