Tuesday, October 4, 2005

Your Turn

This has not been a good month for the conservatives. Just look at the tally: Iraq is still in the “last throes” of violence — longer than a Wagnerian opera death scene; two hurricanes proved that we actually do need a federal government with departments run by competent people who actually do know their ass from a hole in the ground; two prominent conservative blowhards have gotten their comeuppance: Tom DeLay has now been indicted twice, and Bill Bennett proved that no matter how he couches his language, he believes that black Americans are responsibile for the crime rate. Bill Frist is finding out that the SEC means business in more ways than one, and gas prices are so high that even the rich blonde bimbos on their cellphones in their Chevy Malevolents are complaining that it’s cutting into their Botox treatments. On top of that, the first chance to get another Antonin Scalia or Clarence Thomas on the Supreme Court went a-glimmering when the president nominated his personal lawyer whom no one knows anything about other than she’s in Alberto Gonzales’ old office in the West Wing. (Maybe that’s what happened; Bush went down the hall, knocked on the door and said, “Hey, you’re on the Court!” and didn’t pay any attention to the fact that someone else had moved in while he was on vacation.) It took a phone call from Vice President Cheney to Rush Limbaugh telling him to “trust us” to calm the tightie righties.

So to my friends on the right, I say welcome to our world. If you think you’ve been disappointed, betrayed, let down, and otherwise just screwed with your pants on by this administration; that all your hopes about banning abortion, abolishing the IRS, getting Darwin out of the classroom and getting the Lord’s Prayer back in, and exiling all the queers to living in sin didn’t come to fruition and probably won’t, multiply this last month by a factor of 58 and you’ll know what it’s like to be one of us. Come on in, the water’s tepid.

It must be doubly hard to take since you’ve spent the last thirteen years clamoring for your agenda, and now that you’ve gotten control of all three branches of the government, you’re finding out that your dreams of glory of unfettered free markets, of limitless power, of Ozzie-and-Harriet happiness, of white bread and SUV’s and subserviant lower classes serving mint juleps on the verandah, of everybody thinking exactly like you do have run smack-dab into the Reality-Based Community. You’re going to have to learn how to deal with disappointment without throwing a tantrum, and you’re going to have to learn how to not carry a grudge. That’s been your downfall in the past, and it will only make the recovery that much harder. Besides, I have the feeling that the ride has just begun.