Thursday, October 29, 2009

Trick or Treat?

From the You Can’t Make This Stuff Up file:

COLUMBIA, S.C. — A deputy assistant attorney general who said he was on his lunch break when an officer found him with a stripper and sex toys in his sport utility vehicle has been fired, his boss said Wednesday.

Roland Corning, 66, a former state legislator, was in a secluded part of a downtown cemetery when an officer spotted him Monday, according to a police report obtained by The Associated Press under the Freedom of Information Act.

As the officer approached, Corning sped off, then pulled over a few blocks away. He and the 18-year-old woman with him, an employee of the Platinum Plus Gentleman’s Club, gave conflicting stories about what they were doing in the cemetery, Officer Michael Wines wrote in his report, though he did not elaborate.

Corning gave Wines a badge showing he worked for the state Attorney General’s Office. Wines, whose wife also works there, called her to make sure Corning was telling the truth.

He then searched the SUV, where he found a Viagra pill and several sex toys, items Corning said he always kept with him, “just in case,” according to the report.

“Just in case” of what? I know the auto club tells you to keep an emergency kit in your car, but silly me, I thought that meant jumper cables. (Well, to some people, sex toys, Viagra, and jumper cables go together….) And what’s with the cemetery scene? I know it’s close to Hallowe’en, but that’s just plain creepy.

Wouldn’t you know it, but Mr. Corning has a reputation as a staunch conservative who once tried to pass a law that would require women receiving welfare be implanted with a contraceptive device. It’s guess it’s true that it’s the uptight ones that really go for the kinky stuff.

In the tradition of other South Carolina politicians, he will now have all the time he needs to hike the Appalachian Trail…or hang out at cemeteries.