Saturday, June 12, 2010

Atlas Puked

Glenn Beck tries his hand at writing a novel.

First, a quick summation of the plot, such as it is. The protagonist, Noah Gardner, works for an impossibly powerful public relations firm in Manhattan that has been the driving force behind pretty much every political and cultural movement of the 20th century. Their latest and grandest scheme is the culmination of a lengthy plot to change the United States into some sort of ill-defined progressive plutocracy, and the catalyst for this change is a nuclear explosion that will occur outside the home-state office of “the current U.S. Senate majority leader,” which happens to be at the same address as Harry Reid’s Las Vegas offices. The nuclear attack is to be blamed on the Founders Keepers, a Tea Party-like group — led by Noah’s love interest, Molly Ross — that is working to foil the plot.

It sounds like something dreamed up by Mickey Spillane and Ayn Rand after a night of eating bad pizza and doing tequila shooters:

“Suit yourself, lady. I’m telling you right now, you made the rules, but you’re playing with fire here. I’ve got some rules, too, and rule number one is, don’t tease the panther.”

Trust me, I don’t even want to be in the same room with “the panther.”

To quote the immortal Dorothy Parker: “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”