Friday, October 1, 2010

DeMinted

Charles P. Pierce looks at the distinguished gentleman from South Carolina.

Just this week, Senator Jim DeMint settled the basic historical issue once and for all: the Civil War was a massive waste of time, money, and human life — at least as it pertains to the great state of South Carolina.

OK, so we’d have missed out on some good songs, and that Ending Slavery thing was a good deal, and Ken Burns wouldn’t be as rich and famous, and a lot of grizzled men who like to play soldier-man dress-up would have to go back to the Star Trek conventions where they belong. I will grant you all that. But, at the very least, we would have been spared to piteous spectacle this week of the World’s Greatest Deliberative Body — and, through that the World’s Greatest Republic — being seized entirely by a slick, Leviticus-mumbling grifter. DeMint is what Jesus would have been had He gone into real estate, hustling swamp properties outside Capernaum to various Galilean suckers.

This week, DeMint announced that he would employ his senatorial privileges to put a hold on virtually all legislation until after the midterm elections. After which, he anticipates giddily, the clown car will stop at the steps of the Capitol and disgorge its contents, all of whom will have the propellers on their beanies spinning in the same direction as his. This is what democratic self-government has come down to in the 21st Century — a coup DeMint.

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That there were some 45 million people out in the country at large who didn’t have health insurance, and that researchers at Harvard said that some 45,000 Americans died every year because they weren’t wealthy enough to keep each other alive, had nothing to do with this calculation. Only a few of them live in South Carolina, and they won’t be voting for him, or sending him any money, so what the hell.

I’m telling you, getting Fort Sumter back hasn’t been worth all this.

It’s as if there is some requirement for the fringers to supply a spokesman for their cause. They come ready-made with their tin-foil hat and large-type Easy-To-Read edition of the Bible. What I don’t understand is why he doesn’t have his own show on Fox News.