I’ve already had one post about Newt Gingrich today (see below), but he and his staff are a rich mine of comic gold. For example, Rick Tyler, Mr. Gingrich’s press secretary, sent out a missive detailing the epic battle between the candidate and the forces of evil:
The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.
Next Chapter: Gingrich sends forth his forces to battle the Literati before the gates of Mordor.
Photoshop by Oliver Willis.