Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Captain Obvious

Mitt Romney will be the Republican nominee for president in 2012.

Yeah, I know the first caucus hasn’t met in Iowa and the first primary hasn’t been held in New Hampshire, and Newt Gingrich is still running around the country selling books and his wonderfulness, but it’s blatantly obvious that regardless of what the Tea Party and the rest of the clown posse have to say, the GOP establishment will make sure that Mr. Romney gets the nomination in Tampa next summer. Bet on it.

So what that means is that we will have the next ten months to enjoy the magnificent fun of picking apart Mr. Romney without having to worry about the ankle-biters like Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum, and the pompous postulations of Newt Gingrich.

And even better, we’ll be entertained by the snark of Charles Pierce as he levels his sites on The Candidate.

He is the real austerity candidate, the guy who will run the ball here for the banksters who are crippling Europe, and a lot of Europeans, with economic strategies that keep themselves afloat while children die of preventable diseases, and guaranteeing that whatever recoveries there will be in places like Ireland and the UK will be the sole property of the people who most deserve them. This is what Willard Romney would like to bring to America. He just has to convince enough people that the pain will be imposed upon the undeserving Them. It is a vicious puppet show of a campaign he’s running.

He is really the only true class warrior in the race. He’s counting on prejudice and ignorance because he is running in the Republican primaries and that’s the coin of the realm. But he’s also counting on the desperate dreams of desperate people who want to believe that there is a big bag of money out there that’s going to the Wrong People, and that, if someone would only re-direct it, their lives would be better. Well, there is a big bag of money out there, and it is indeed going to the Wrong People, and those would be the people in whose company Willard Romney has spent his entire, cosseted, entitled existence. He has embarked on a divisive campaign of misdirection, hoping against hope that nobody notices that he mortgaged himself to his ambition on an adjustable rate, and that he’s underwater on his soul.

If you think that’s harsh, you should be reading what the right-wingers are saying about Mr. Romney. The True Believers are lining up their arguments to drive home the theory that No True Conservative would vote for him, and even the virulent hatred of Barack Obama may not persuade them.

There are a lot of issues with trying to run a candidate who doesn’t seem to have any core principles. It makes it impossible for his supporters to get excited about him because you can’t fall in love with a weathervane. Even worse, since politicians tend to be such liars anyway and you know Romney has no firm beliefs, it’s very easy for everyone to assume the worst. Democrats will feel that Romney will be a right wing death-beast. Republicans will think that Romney will screw them over. Independents won’t know what to believe, which will make the hundreds of millions that Obama will spend on attack ads particularly effective. Ronald Reagan famously said the GOP needed “a banner of no pale pastels, but bold colors.” That’s particularly relevant when it comes to Mitt Romney who has proven to be a pasty grey pile of formless mush.

So there you have it. Get the popcorn.