Saturday, January 12, 2013

White House Nixes Death Star

The people of Alderaan can breathe a little easier today.

The White House says building a Death Star would be an out-of-this-galaxy waste of money — not only because it’s against government policy to blow up planets, but also because the United States already has access to a space station as well as a laser-wielding space robot.

Today’s official statement on the Death Star issue, titled “This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For,” was written by Paul Shawcross, chief of the science and space branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget. It comes in response to a “We the People” petition that called on the federal government to start building a “Star Wars”-style Death Star battle station by 2016.

“By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense,” the petition read.

Among the reasons cited by the White House was [spoiler alert]:

  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

But the Force will be with us, always.

One bark on “White House Nixes Death Star

  1. NASA’s Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office was particularly good.

    If only Saint Ronnie’s administration had had as quick wits.

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