Monday, April 10, 2017

Backyard Drama

This week I am staging my own version of Aaron Posner’s play “Stupid Fucking Bird,” a hilarious send-up of Anton Chekhov’s “The Sea Gull” in my driveway. It seems that one of the perpetually in-heat feral peacocks was attacking my Mustang which is parked in the driveway while I am boarding a friend’s car while they have work done on their house.

Peacocks may be beautiful to look at but they are stupid beyond repair. This horny bastard thinks his reflection in the side of my car is a rival, and therefore he attacks it. I caught the befeathered and bewildered Lothario in action, chased him off around the house with a broom (and got in my cardio for the day, thank you), and then dug out the cover that used to protect the Pontiac, hence the tribute to Mr. Goodwrench.

In the meantime I am researching recipes for roast peacock. How about on a bed of wild rice with a side of red cabbage?

4 barks and woofs on “Backyard Drama

  1. No, you don’t want to eat the thing. I’m told they’re as tough as shoe leather. But you might have a tiara made of the feathers for use in the next gay pride parade.

  2. If it is young it will be good but old ones tend to be tough. Roast at 350F at 20 minutes a pound and baste regularly with butter as they don’t have much fat on them. It is not much different from turkey but the commercial turkeys are raised to be fatter & usually injected with salt water.

    If it is an old bird cut it up into quarters, brown a large diced onion, 4 ribs of celery chopped in a large stock pot when they have some color add 2 or 3 garlic cloves ans stir just till you start to get that nice aroma. place the bird in the pot with 3 or 4 carrots roughly chopped into 1 inch pieces. Add enough water to just cover. drop in 2-3 bay leaves. bring just to a boil & then lower the temp so it is just simmering (the trick to tenderizing tough meat is keeping it between 180-200F. Simmer for at least an hour, pull out the turkey pieces and let cool on a platter. Now is the time to salt & pepper. when cool enough to handle remove the bones & chop the meat into bite-size chunks and return to the pot. You can add some chicken or turkey bullion if it needs a boost. I would then throw in a couple of handfuls of frozen peas, lima beans, bell pepper, corn, whatever veg you like. toss in 4-5 cups of dry pasta and simmer until that is tender.

  3. The episodes in your life never cease to amaze me. This is too cool chasing a bird with a broom is there video? And your enablers above here wanting to cook the poor thing. iWhat a way to start my day!

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