Thursday, November 4, 2021

And… Scene

John Cole at Balloon Juice takes a good shot at being a playwright.  Here he is putting his views on the current political scene in a ten-minute play.

Scene: An openly hostile and coordinated crowd of agitators confronts school boards, leveling demands.

Mob: We are sick of you saying white people are bad and teaching Crucial Raisin Theory!!!

Board Members and Teachers: What?

Mob: We meant critical race theory!

Teacher: I don’t know what that is.

Mob: YES YOU DO AND STOP TEACHING IT WE WILL NOT BE IGNORED!

Teacher: I just teach basic history.

Mob: DO YOU TALK ABOUT THE NORTH AND THE SOUTH AND THE CIVIL WAR AND SAY SLAVERY AND THE HOLOCAUST WERE BAD?

Teacher: Well, yes.

Mob: SEE! CRUCIAL RAISIN THEORY.

***

Scene: The Local Nightly News

Bobblehead: In several counties across the state, concerned parents have gathered to peacefully address school boards and to discuss issues with the curriculum. Let’s go to Brandy, who dropped out of engineering, pre-med, english, and all her other classes to pursue a degree in journalism and has no training or specialty in anything, who is on the scene.

Brandy: Yes, thank you Bobblehead, I am here with Jimbob Angersmith, who works down at the Save-Alot and has dabbled in Republican politics via multiple engaged facebook groups, a school board member, and a teacher to share their thoughts:

JimBob: BRANDY WE KNOW WHERE THESE PEOPLE LIVE AND WE WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THEY STOP TEACHING CRITICAL RACE THEORY AND BRAINWASHING OUR KIDS THAT BEING WHITE IS BAD.

Board Member: We don’t teach critical race theory. I had to google it before the meeting.

JimBob: YES YOU DO AND WE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.

Brandy: JimBob, what exactly is critical race theory?

JimBob: OH YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS AND THEY BETTER STOP TEACHING IT HERE LOOK AT THIS (shows clip of Tucker Carlson on his phone)

Brandy: What do you think Mr. School Board Member

Board Member: We don’t teach critical race theory we don’t even have the money to teach a lot of the stuff we should we’re short staffed and underpaid and our buildings are crumbling.

Brandy: And how about you, Mrs. Teacher:

Teacher: They tried to tear my mask off in the parking lot. Why do they all have guns? I’m afraid to go to the store.

Brandy: That’s the scene down here, Bobblehead, back to you.

Bobblehead: Great report Brandy, keep up the excellent work. Now to our panel of three guests from CPAC to explain why this is bad news for Democrats.

END OF PLAY.

I would happily sponsor John Cole as a full-fledged member of the Dramatists Guild.

I didn’t listen to the post-election wrap-ups on cables or in the paper.  I drove to work listening to WDNA, the public jazz station in Miami, and when I got to the office, I streamed WIAA, the classical music stream from Interlochen Public Radio.  I came home and caught up with car restoration on Motor Trend, and Episode 3 of “Midnight Mass” on Netflix.  It’s not that I don’t care about the outcome of the election.  It’s because John’s piece is exactly what I knew I would hear: the Very Serious People will nod their heads and even if the Democrats had run the table in Virginia and New Jersey, it would still be good news for John McCain.

I intend to participate in every election where I can vote and I intend to support candidates who support what I believe.  But I’m also glad for my subscription to Netflix, and if the crazies win, I’ll be looking at real estate in the Bahamas.

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