Greetings from Blue Ash, Ohio. It’s 47F and I didn’t bring a sweater.
Meanwhile, Andy Borowitz updates us on the latest news.
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In an event that some commentators are calling the day the nation lost its innocence, millions of Americans were stunned to learn yesterday that Donald J. Trump may have committed fraud.
As news of the New York State attorney general’s fraud lawsuit against Trump spread like wildfire across the Internet, Americans expressed shock and incredulity that one of America’s most successful and respected businessmen might have violated his own high ethical standards.
“I’ve been walking around in a state of disbelief all day,” Harland Dorrinson, a barber in Cleveland, said. “He held our nation’s highest office and always conducted himself with such propriety. I hope to God these fraud charges are some kind of mixup.”
Carol Foyler, an insurance agent in Tampa, agreed. “How could he have gotten involved in such shady dealings?” she asked. “He’s a very smart man. For heaven’s sake, he even ran a university!”
Davis Logsdon, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota, said that it will be important for parents to talk to children who have been traumatized by news of Trump’s legal imbroglio.
“Anecdotally, I’m hearing that kids are taking the news particularly hard,” he said. “They feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under them. If Donald Trump is capable of misleading people, who’s next—Dr. Oz?”
Trump says he can declassify documents by just thinking about them. There are two flaws in that logic. First, there is no actual proof that he is capable of thinking. Second, even if he does, he has to be sending out more than a carrier wave.