Thursday, September 28, 2023

Teachable Moment

Humor from Andy Borowitz:

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Graduates of Trump University are incensed that they were never taught that defrauding banks was a crucial strategy to building a real-estate empire, the grads have confirmed.

In interviews with Trump U. alumni, the former students expressed shock and dismay that such an important entrepreneurial skill was somehow omitted from the school’s curriculum.

“If I had learned to defraud banks, my post-Trump University career would have played out very differently,” Tracy Klugian, class of 2006, said. “As it is, I’ve gone bankrupt four times.”

“Every time a bank asked me how much my properties were worth, I put down the correct figure,” Harland Dorrinson, class of 2007, said. “Trump University really should have taught me how important it is to just pick a big number out of thin air.”

Carol Foyler, ’08, said that, given the school’s failure to teach the fundamentals of asset overvaluation and bank swindling, her Trump University diploma “isn’t worth the Staples printer paper it was printed on.”

“Trump University claimed it would teach me all of Donald Trump’s real-estate secrets,” she said. “Now it seems like he kept his most important secrets secret.”

They should sue.