Trump goes on trial in Manhattan (and he’ll try everything to get out of it).  Andy Borowitz, liberated from The New Yorker, is still at it:

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Prominent legal experts believe that defendants who are innocent of a crime will usually do everything humanly possible to delay their trials.

Professor Davis Logsdon, who teaches a course about the behavior of innocent defendants at the University of Minnesota Law School, said that “if a defendant is strenuously trying to have his trial delayed, there is no clearer evidence that he is innocent of all charges against him.”

“Generally speaking, people who have done nothing wrong want to push the day when their name is cleared as far into the future as they can,” he said. “They will spend a massive amount on legal fees to have a cloud of suspicion hover over them for as long as possible.”

He said that there are “other signs” that a person is “completely innocent,” including “claiming immunity from all charges, defaming the judge and his or her children, and calling the trial a ‘disgrace’ or a ‘witch-hunt.’”

“If someone does all of those things, it’s so obvious he’s innocent that the case should be dismissed immediately,” he said. “The fact that such a trial is allowed to proceed is worrisome proof that our legal system is broken.”

Oh the humanity.