Humor from Andy Borowitz:
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a “scandal bigger than Watergate,” the Fox News host Tucker Carlson accused President Biden of “thoroughly faking mental sharpness” for more than an hour during his press conference on Thursday.
“Doing everything he could to give the appearance of mental acuity, he answered questions in detail, stayed on point, and uttered suspiciously complete sentences,” Carlson alleged. “I’ve seen some shameless stunts in my time, but this one takes the cake.”
Carlson said that Biden’s “desperate charade” extended to “accomplishing concrete things to make himself seem competent.”
“When he said that he would double the number of vaccinations in his first hundred days, my jaw dropped,” he said. “President Trump would never have tried to pull something like that.”
Friday Catblogging: Sombra shows off her retro tailfins.
Humor from Andy Borowitz in The New Yorker.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sharing helpful health tips with the American people, Senator Rand Paul said on Wednesday that the secret to social distancing is making everyone despise you.
“People get all worried about whether other people are staying six feet away from them,” Paul said. “The trick is, if you act like a total jerkwad, people will stay much farther away from you than that.”
Paul also questioned whether wearing a mask protects someone as well as saying incredibly asinine things does.
“Airborne droplets can spread by people talking to each other,” Paul said. “If no one ever wants to talk to you, problem solved.”
He urged places of business in his home state of Kentucky to reopen as soon as possible, a process that he volunteered to help safely facilitate. “If you reopen your restaurant and it gets too crowded, I will walk through the door and immediately clear it out,” he said.
Works for me, but even with the mask I’d stay away from him.
Friday Catblogging: Duck, Sombra.
If you’re feeling a bit stressed, just think about what’s happened in the last two weeks: The state of Georgia elected both a black man and a Jewish man to the United States Senate; armed insurrectionists tried to take over the United States government with the emphatic support of the current president; that president has now been impeached for the second time, and Ford introduced an electric SUV version of the Mustang.
Good news and bad all in a rush of fourteen days. If that’s not enough to shake up your spinal cord, then you’re probably comatose.
How about some Friday Catblogging to sooth your weary mind. Sombra keeping a calm but watchful eye.
It’s a Friday the 13th, just in case that gives you pause to go out and risk your superstitions. These days, who can tell a sign of bad luck from just the new normal, anyway?
In a gesture to sanity, Arizona has been finally called for Joe Biden, bringing his electoral count to 290 and in alignment with what the Associated Press said it was back on November 4. Trump himself hasn’t been heard from other than his Twitter account since his appearance in the White House briefing room a week ago; an appearance that was abruptly terminated on many news outlets when it was obvious he was sowing bullshit. Since then he’s had his tantrums and extended periods of pouting, sulking, and spates of vengeance by firing the Defense Secretary and seeding the Pentagon with his toadies, who have 68 days to bring us to the brink of Armageddon.
Meanwhile, the incoming Biden administration is end-running Trump’s refusal to concede by going ahead with staffing and policy outlines, perhaps a precursor to how he’ll govern when he actually takes office and has to deal with Mitch McConnell and the nutsery that survived. If this was any other time, the fact that Trump and his cronies are largely inert would be seen as a blessing; out of sight out of mind. But with the number of Covid-19 infections reaching record levels every day, they are doing worse than doing nothing.
On days like these, even Friday the thirteenth, the best you can hope for is that if a black cat crosses your path, she’ll cuddle up and purr.
Here’s some Friday catblogging for you. My housemate is testing out his new old camera — he collects and uses such classics as Leicas and Hasselblads from the 1960’s through 1980’s — and in this case, he’s using Sombra as his model. She does not look quite ready for her close-up.
In other news, the pollen count is through the roof around here and my sinuses are in full flood. My temperature is in the normal range; I just have to make it through the deluge that always occurs when the trees are having sex.
“Happy Friday” is a wish, not a declaration. In the midst of this crisis, we are all looking for something, large or small, to keep our spirits and hopes up.
How about some good news, at least for me? My play, “A Life Enriching Community,” has been picked up for publication by ArtAge Publications of Portland, Oregon, and will be available soon for reading and performance from their catalogue. It was originally written in 2014 and first presented in December 2014 at the Miami 1-Acts Festival, then in readings at the William Inge Festival New Play Lab in 2016 and at the Midwest Dramatists Conference in 2019. It was slated to be read at the Valdez Last Frontier Theatre Conference in June, but it’s been postponed until 2021.
I’m entering my third week of self-imposed isolation. I have, however awkwardly, figured out how to work from home; I’ve had a couple of Zoom meetings, and next week I’ll be guest-lecturing a theatre class via the internet. I’m working on new plays, maintaining contact at a distance with friends, and making new ones through this dance of electrons and pixels. My housemate is conducting his broadcasting arts classes to his middle-schoolers via Zoom and Team, keeping his office hours from the dining room table, doing his martial arts exercises on the patio, developing film in the bathroom, and painting in watercolors, all under the watchful eye of Sombra, whose feelings are kept to herself, as is the practice of all cats.
Stay well. Stay safe.
Staying at home. What are you doing?
Sombra wards off predators by puffing out her fur like a blowfish.
“I know you have leftovers. See if I care.”
Sitting enjoying a snack, watching TV, and suddenly I’m Sombra’s best friend.
Riddle of the Sphinx: where’s my dinner?
Woke up with a raging sore throat — glad to have some Hall’s throat lozenges in the medicine cabinet — and I’m taking one of my remaining vacation days to get over it.
It’s been that kind of week.
I haven’t done a cat-blog in a very long time.
This is Sombra, who is my housemate’s cat and who completely ignores me until she decides she wants to acknowledge my existence; usually when Josh is away and she’s hungry. Cats are like that.
Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve done this now that Snowball has retired, but when I got a housemate last January he brought along Sombra, which means “Shadow” in Spanish. She spends most of her time watching the outdoors from her perch in the front window and, like she did yesterday, looking out over the patio at the backyard nature, including the ibises that come by to feed on the morsels in the yard.
Hey, we made it to the end of the week and we’re still here.
I see that Trump has hired Rudy Giuliani to handle his legal problems and “negotiate an end” to the Mueller probe. Is he talking about a plea bargain? Getting a nickel at Sing Sing?
In other news, former FBI director James Comey was on Rachel Maddow last night and didn’t reveal a whole lot other than to comment on the heavily-redacted memos he kept on his contacts with Trump and others. Some of the notes are unintentionally funny, including one where Trump was worried about his then-national security advisor Michael Flynn: “The guy has serious judgment issues.” Oh really.
Meanwhile, the summit between Trump and North Korea’s Kim Jung-un may be a logistic nightmare because there isn’t a plane in the North Korean fleet that can make the trip.
If you’ve been following the continuing saga of EPA chief Scott Pruitt and his spendthrift ways, the latest bit is that like Webster’s dictionary, he was Morocco-bound (thank you, Hope and Crosby) last December and not necessarily on EPA business. In fact, he was lobbying for U.S. natural gas exports, which isn’t something the EPA does, and he and his crew spent upwards of $40,000 including hotels and meals in Paris. And yet he can’t get fired, probably because he’s basically emulating his boss.
Oh, you want some Friday Catblogging? Okay. This one’s about me packing for my own road trip next week.
I’m heading for Ohio, then Missouri and catching up with old friends and dissertation subjects.