In a study in foregone conclusions since Rick Santorum caved a month ago, Mitt Romney won the five primaries yesterday. In case you hadn’t noticed, the general election campaign has been underway since then, which means we get to listen to nostrums such as this for the next six months:

“Americans have always been eternal optimists,” Mr. Romney said during a speech to supporters here. “Over the last three and a half years, we have seen hopes and dreams diminished by false promises and weak leadership. Everywhere I go, Americans are tired of being tired.”

Does anybody have something I can open a vein with?

Mitt Romney is Thomas E. Dewey without the charm, and now he’s trotting out the old trickle-down economics theory as if it actually works. It makes you really wonder how stupid he thinks Americans are. It was bullshit when Ronald Reagan said it, it was bullshit when both Bushes said it, and it’s bullshit now. I heard Steve Schmidt rattle off the “rising tide lifts all boats” line last night on Rachel Maddow’s show and scared the neighbor’s cat out of my yard with my yelling at the TV set by accusing Mr. Schmidt of indecent conduct with certain barnyard creatures. It’s going to be a long slow summer until the conventions.

On the upside, Newt Gingrich will probably drop out, assuming he can get anyone to listen to him tell the world he’s not running any more. Yesterday on NPR I heard a segment on how his reputation from now on might be damaged by prolonging his campaign. No, really; they seriously used the future tense. I sometimes think the only reason he got into the race was because he lost the audition for the new Three Stooges movie. Now the fun part will be waiting to see how he pivots to support Romney without coming across like the flaming hypocrite we’ve come to know and despise. Somehow he’ll find a way to get a book deal out of it.