Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Surefire Flop

Well, you’d kind of expect this sort of desperation from someone on the right wing, but the degree to where this all came together as a huge wet bloosh in the face of the perpetrator is almost Newtonian in its karmic comeuppance.

Earlier today news broke about a plot launched by a GOP operative, Jack Burkman, to manufacture and pay off at least one woman to lie and say that Robert Mueller sexually harassed her back in the 1970’s while she worked for him as a paralegal at a private law firm. As soon as the story hit the news, the Special Counsel’s representative confirmed that upon learning of this false story, they referred it to the FBI for investigation.

Jacob Wohl is another player in this story, a moron (or a “child” as Elle Magazine correctly describes him as) and failed hedge fund manager (who was reportedly banned for life from the National Futures Association early in his career).

Even though he denies it, Jacob associated with a company called “Surefire Intelligence”, a shady company that states it was “founded by two members of Israel’s elite intelligence community” and that they can be hired for “counter intelligence,” “private spies,” and “ethical hackers.”

Scroll through the pictures of the senior staff of Surefire and you come across stock shots of supermodels and actors’ headshots, plus resumes and bios that come right out of a cross between “Mission: Impossible” and “Get Smart.”  But the best part is this: Surefire’s official phone number redirects to a voicemail box registered to Jacob’s mom.

It’s all hilarity and ridiculous, but the FBI is not laughing.

A company that appears to be run by a pro-Trump conspiracy theorist offered to pay women to make false claims against Special Counsel Robert Mueller in the days leading up to the midterm elections—and the special counsel’s office has asked the FBI to weigh in. “When we learned last week of allegations that women were offered money to make false claims about the Special Counsel, we immediately referred the matter to the FBI for investigation,” the Mueller spokesman Peter Carr told me in an email on Tuesday.

The special-counsel office’s attention to this scheme and its decision to release a rare statement about it indicates the seriousness with which the team is taking the purported plot to discredit Mueller in the middle of an ongoing investigation. Carr confirmed that the allegations were brought to the office’s attention by several journalists, who were contacted by a woman who identified herself as Lorraine Parsons. Another woman, Jennifer Taub, contacted Mueller’s office earlier this month with similar information.

Oh, someone’s gonna get sent to bed without dessert.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Friday, May 4, 2018

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Yeah, Right

From the New York Times:

Trump asserted Monday that he would have rushed in to save the students and teachers of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School from a gunman with an assault weapon, even if he was unarmed at the time of the massacre.

Speaking to a meeting of the country’s governors at the White House, Mr. Trump conceded that “you don’t know until you test it.” But he said he believed he would have exhibited bravery “even if I didn’t have a weapon, and I think most of the people in this room would have done that, too.”

Yeah, right.  He’s a huge and well-documented coward.

The most frightened that Trump has ever seemed in public was perhaps a moment during a campaign rally in Dayton, Ohio, in March 2016.

The then-candidate was in the midst of speaking about manufacturing, when a man hopped the barrier behind him and rushed the stage. Trump stopped speaking, looked nervously behind him and grabbed and started to duck behind his lectern.

He was then swarmed by Secret Service agents, who steadied him.

[…]

The moment was later immortalized in a doctored video in which a seated Sen. Bernie Sanders yelling “boo” was edited into the frame the moment before Trump was spooked.

via GIPHY

The only thing he would have tested at Marjory Stoneman Douglas was the cleanliness of his shorts.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Monday, May 8, 2017

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Today’s Lesson in Irony

According to anonymous sources, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer really hates it that the White House is leaking stories to the news media, so he is trying to control it.  (Audio auto-play at link.)

Spicer called staff into his office last week to reiterate his frustration with the leaks, sources with knowledge of the matter said. He informed them that the use of encrypted texting apps, like Signal and Confide, was a violation of the Federal Records Act.

Then, with White House counsel Don McGahn standing by, Spicer asked his staff to provide him with their cell phones so he could ensure they were not using those apps or corresponding privately with reporters.

Spicer asked to review both his staff’s government-issued and personal cell phones, the sources said. He also specifically asked his staff not to leak information about the meeting or his efforts to crack down on leaks to the media, one source said.

That’s hilarious.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Run This Up The Flagpole

I love a good harmless prank as much as the next guy.

When President Donald Trump took the stage Friday at the Conservative Political Action Conference, he was greeted with cheers, chants of “USA,” and dozens of Russian flags.

Two young, progressive activists from DC, Jason Charter and Ryan Clayton with the group Americans Take Action, purchased tickets to the conference, and handed out nearly 1,000 flags to attendees as a prank. After they were thrown out of the conference, they told TPM they wanted to “shed light on an important issue”—namely, the drip of revelations of backchannel communications between the Russian government and the Trump campaign—and allow people to “get a laugh out of their day.”

It worked.  Heh.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Friday, February 12, 2016

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

I’m Gonna Get You At Recess

Via TPM:

Cruz was responding to Obama’s recent criticism of Republicans suggesting there be a religious test for Syrian refugees seeking entrance to the country, a plan he called “shameful” and “not American” while in Turkey for the Group of 20 summit.

“If you want to insult me, you can do it overseas, you can do it in Turkey, you can do it in foreign countries. But I would encourage you, Mr. President, come back and insult me to my face,” Cruz said, staring directly into the camera.

Cruz got even more schoolyard, challenging the President to a debate any place, any time.

“Let’s have a debate on Syrian refugees, right now. We can do it anywhere you want. I would prefer it in the United States and not overseas,” the Republican presidential candidate said. “We’ll do it on any station.”

Word is they’ll do it next to the swing set.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Tough Guys

President Obama had some fun with the GOP candidates whining about the CNBC debate last week.

President Obama on Monday mocked Republican presidential candidates as thin-skinned for lashing out at CNBC over the network’s handling of last week’s primary debate.

“They say, ‘when I talk to [Russian President Vladimir] Putin, he’s going to straighten out,'” he said at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser in New York City. “And then it turns out they can’t handle a bunch of CNBC moderators.”

“If you can’t handle those guys, I don’t think the Chinese and the Russians are going to be too worried about you,” Obama added.

Heh.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

So Sue Me

Via NBC:

A Nebraska woman identifying herself as the “ambassador” for plaintiffs “God and His Son, Jesus Christ,” is suing all homosexuals on Earth for breaking “religious and moral laws,” according to court records filed Tuesday.

In the suit, entered into the docket as Driskell v. Homosexuals, Sylvia Ann Driskell, 66, of Auburn, Nebraska, asks in a seven-page, neatly handwritten petition (PDF) that U.S. District Judge John M. Gerrard decide once and for all whether homosexuality is or isn’t a sin.

The suit doesn’t cite any case law under which a judge could make such a determination. In fact, it cites no court cases at all, quoting Webster’s Dictionary and numerous Bible verses, instead, to bolster Driskell’s central contention, which is:

“That homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet.”

Driskell writes, “I’m sixty six years old, an [sic] I never thought that I would see the day in which our Great Nation or Our Great State of Nebraska would become so compliant to the complicity of some peoples [sic] lewd behavior.”

The suit was noticed by several gay activists and writers, including Dan Savage, the advice columnist, who said, “Man, I hope I get deposed!” and Steven Payne, a self-described “gay feller,” who wrote in The Daily Kos:

“Brian (his husband) and I will be liquidating our assets in preparation for a certain loss. We anticipate the restitution ordered to this woman will take us down to our very last penny. In the meantime, our fear is so great we have ceased and desisted being homosexual.”

She will be hearing from my lawyer.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Just Messing With Them Now

President Obama is going to Kenya in July to participate in a summit on global entrepreneurship… or so the White House would have you believe.  I think he’s doing it just to get a rise out of people like this doofus.

“I think his trip back to Kenya is going to create a lot of chatter and commentary amongst some of the hard right, who still don’t see him as having been born in the U.S.,” Sununu said on the show “America’s Newsroom.”

“I personally think he’s just inciting some chatter on an issue that should have been a dead issue a long time ago,” he said.

It’s like throwing the invisible ball for the dog: hours of endless fun.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

High Court Humor

One of the reasons I would not make a good lawyer is because case histories and rulings do not strike me as page-turning can’t-put-it-down reading.  Judges have to be restrained and very detailed in what they put in their opinions because the law and precedent demand it.  But every now and then there comes a judge who can plant a kernel of humor.  For example, Justice Elena Kagan in a Supreme Court ruling yesterday:

As the plurality must acknowledge, the ordinary meaning of “tangible object” is “a discrete thing that possesses physical form.” A fish is, of course, a discrete thing that possesses physical form. See generally Dr. Seuss, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish (1960).

Permission to gigglesnort, your honor.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Oh Lindsey You Rascal

A casual conversation between Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC) and Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) during a committee hearing:

Sen. Thom Tillis, R-N.C., asked Graham during a hearing if he was “working on grandchildren.” The Republican felt the need to invoke the colorful legacy of his fellow South Carolinian in his response.

“Not mine, but others, yeah,” Graham said. “I guess if I did the Strom thing it’s possible. But I better get started.”

When he was 66, the widowed Thurmond remarried to 22-year-old Nancy Moore in 1968. They had four children. Graham, who is single, is 59.

The chances of Lindsey Graham having grandchildren the same way Strom Thurmond got them are about the same as mine.

Friday, October 31, 2014

In His Dreams

Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) has fantasies of men.

South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham, who is toying with the idea of a presidential bid, joked in a private gathering this month that “white men who are in male-only clubs are going to do great in my presidency,” according to an audio recording of his comments provided to CNN.

I’m sure he was joking, but just in case, boys, update your profile on Manhunt.

Monday, July 21, 2014